i thought it was a secret, Victoria

I got felt up at security in an airport…  after choosing to not get felt up…

I’ve had a lot of different experiences in airports… this was a first…  and everything about it seemed as though I was wanting it to happen…

my general attire, since college, has consisted of jogging pants or lululemon pants, sports bra, t-shirt and bunny hug…

so on certain occasions I like to try to jazz things up a touch…

I used to say, if you dress up and do your makeup all the time no one compliments you… but if it is a shock when you do then you get so many compliments…

it’s little life tips like this that I’ve always been really good with…

so I thought a surprise trip to Mexico for the farmer’s birthday warranted a bit ‘jazzing up’…  this included wearing jeans and spicing up the undergarments a touch…

Victoria Secret has been helping women for 38 years to feel sexier…  and I sprung for the ultimate push up bra…  not only did it have unnecessary support but it felt like I was donning some body armour…

customs at 5:30 am and I set off the metal detector going through security…  I was given the choice of a friendly ‘pat-down’ or the x-ray scanner device…  it felt a little early in the morning for a pat-down so I opted for the scanner…

well I continued to set off alarms and the young woman in charge of the scanner indicated to me that the area in question on my body for ‘something foreign’ was my bosom…

all of a sudden it all became crystal clear to me… my bra was setting off security…

Victoria’s secret was about to become not so secret…

as she told me this, I quickly admitted to her that the size of my chest might be enhanced due to the brassiere I was wearing…  and in the sprit of full disclosure to her I let her know that my husband fully knew it was all a facade…  I continued to tell her that we had been married for 16 years and I was just trying to spice things up a bit…

I felt like she believed me… to a certain degree… but was obliged to give them a bit of a feel just to check…

the problem was, this might have been a slightly enjoyable experience for me, seeings how I have been with the same man for 16 years… life has not presented many other experiences of my breasts being fondled…  but due to the amount of padding and wiring going on with this ‘Miracle’ bra I had no idea that her hands were even on me…  I was still chatting away and completely unaware she was mid-search…

she was satisfied that it was just a giant bra and not key components to a weapon (unless the weapon is breaking a man’s heart with the false illusion of boobs)…  she allowed me to continue on with my morning, all be it a bit flustered and she even gave me a look of compassion… or I liked to believe it was compassion…

my last statement to her was ‘you’ll see… after three children and years of marriage you’ll get one of these ridiculous bras as well’…  she muttered ‘oh I’m sure’ but her eyes gave away the lie she was trying to sell…

at that moment I knew she thought I was sad and pathetic and she’d never let her life get to the point I had allowed mine get to…

but the look on the farmer’s face watching me go through this whole ordeal was well worth the attempt to spice things up with some wire and foam…

on the return flight home, I packed the bra in my checked luggage (it took up the better part of half of one suitcase) and selected my normal sports bra as to not set off any more metal detectors in airports…

I figured vacation was over and it was back to reality for the poor farmer…

happy birthday honey