I changed my mind

I guess I want my boys to fall in love…

this was in question earlier this winter…  I was more of the mindset that they would always love me the most and even if there is a little lady in their lives someday, she would pale in comparison to their mother..

my reasoning was that I have done everything for them…  including making them their choice of cake/pie on their birthdays…  how could they ever find another who would compare to the love we share for each other???

(and by ‘we’… I am taking some liberties with that statement)


then I watched the movie ‘Brooklyn’…  and sobbed through most of it…  the kind of cry at times where my throat hurt and I wished I could stop…

it is a love story about an Irish girl coming over to Brooklyn and falling for an Italian boy… and as I watched it and it brought back a flood of memories of when I fell in love with the farmer at age 19… I was struck with the thought that I want that for the boys…

yes, it means I will have to let go… and be replaced…

but my goodness, the idea that they could find the type of love where it consumes them and changes them and makes them into the men they should be…  well, I guess I can give up on my dreams of morning runs with them at age 25… and them showing up for breakfast and coffee every morning… and re-watching all the Bond movies once again… you know, all that normal stuff well adjusted adult men do with their moms…

this still doesn’t not mean they need to have children…

I’ve told them they need to consider the type of world they are bringing a child into and if it is necessary…  having the child…

and don’t do it for me… I don’t need to be a grandma…

mostly because I’d get all competitive with the farmer to see who the grandkids liked more…  or try to sabotage the other grandma so they like me more…

this was Brandon’s 14th birthday…  making me realize I only have 4 more years with him in my house…

4 more years where he loves me the most… before I set him free to the world and then he might find someone he possibly could love more than me…

and I’ve come to terms with that… because the movie reminded me how amazing it was to find the love of my life… even though I never thought I’d find someone who could hold a candle to my dad… I found someone that did…

and I can only imagine how excited I’ll be someday to see it happen to them…

I do hope she can’t cook better than me right off the bat… I’d like to at least have that over her…

lemon meringue pie


  • 1 baked 9 inch pie shell (a large pie shell)
  • Filling:
  • 1 1/4 cups sugar
  • 6 Tbsp cornstarch
  • 1/2 tsp kosher salt
  • 2 cups water
  • 3 egg yolks, lightly beaten
  • 3 Tbsp margarine
  • 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
  • 1 Tbsp grated lemon rind
  • Meringue:
  • 5 egg white, room temperature
  • 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
  • 6 Tbsp sugar


  • Filling:
  • in a saucepan, combine sugar, cornstarch and salt
  • gradually stir in water
  • over medium heat, bring to a boil, stirring constantly
  • cook for 3 minutes, stirring
  • whisk a small amount of the hot mixture into the egg yolks
  • whisk mixture back into saucepan
  • cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes
  • remove from heat
  • stir in margarine, lemon juice and zest
  • let sit for 3 minutes
  • pour into baked pie shell
  • Meringue:
  • beat egg whites with cream of tartar until it holds soft peaks
  • gradually add sugar, 1 Tbsp at a time, beating until mixture holds stiff shiny peaks
  • spread over hot filling right over the crust
  • bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes
  • let cool at room temperature

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