bragging about your children guidelines…

#1 – please only post on your Facebook status when your child has won a game… never post when they lose…  this will let everyone following you on Facebook come to the logical conclusion that your child is a winner… even if they were just at the game that your child lost in… as an example of this – I am posting the picture of the football game my boys had in Macklin on Friday… score clock reads 0-0… that is because it is still warm-up… I’m not posting the picture of 46-6 for Macklin at the end of the game with me strangling their announcer…   

#2 – always hashtag any picture you have with your child with one of these options… #blessed #beautiful #talented #howdidigetsolucky #prideandjoy #mvp #heartbreaker #iloveyouwhenyouwin #thoseeyes … I always think of the hashtag like a muffled statement you’d make after saying something – or while coughing – to get a little brag in… only problem is when they get long it actually takes awhile to figure them out because of the no capitols or spaces…  a bit of a project but well worth it to figure out that little Sally #poopedonthetoiletforthefourthdayinarow … and I do not suggest to click on that hashtag…

#3 – follow up all the Facebook or Instagram posts you have made about your child with a Christmas Letter…  just a little recap to go over all of the accomplishments of the family in case someone out there missed something…  back in the day (I use this to refer to the 80’s), this was the only form of family bragging that was socially acceptable…  my dad writes a Christmas letter every year and it is more of a ‘roast’ than anything…  kind of a recap of all the idiotic or stupid things we did as a family that year…  he obviously needs guidelines like the ones I’m pointing out here to help him get it right… Christmas letters are for successes… not for that time everyone told Ethan it was guacamole but really it was wasabi… oh we did laugh about that one though…

#4 – compliment your child before anyone else has the chance to…  I like to call this ‘getting the ball rolling’ …  whether online or face to face, just go ahead and quickly say what a great game your child had or how handsome or beautiful they are or how well they are doing at something… and do it quickly before anyone has a chance to say anything good about them… because it’s fun to compliment someone’s child right after their own parent just did…

#5 – if you have more than one child, pick the one that is the most talented and focus on them… leaving room for your other children to grow and develop outside of being smothered by your love and attention… the farmer and I like to switch who we love the most purely based on how well they are doing at things and then to motivate the other’s to pick up their ‘game’ …. although the farmer did tell our whole household that the only ray of sunshine or happiness in his life was Sienna… couldn’t argue with him… the rest of us are pretty demanding…

the only truly safe thing to do is to take pictures of your animals… because the general public likes them far more than they like your children…