caught with your pants down

 

it all begins at a school playground… not a school my children attend but in another town…

my sons play baseball in a town that is 1 1/2 hours away…  which seems nuts to some but when you live in the middle of no where it seems perfectly normal to drive 3 hours for a 2 hour practice…

the upside of baseball practices in this town, other than hours in my vehicle with my beloved children and their friends, is that there is a fantastic school playground there…

my side-kick, Sienna, loves to come to practice just so we can walk down to the park and play at it…

it’s got this great igloo shaped, jungle gym with ropes and hammocks and all sorts of things to climb on…

when we arrived at the park no one was there, so my daughter convinced me to climb up into the maze of rope ladders and told me there was a great little hammock that I could sit in to read my book up there…  seemed like a great idea so up I went…

about 20 minutes into playing, she needed to go pee…  I actually have no idea what city people do, but us farm folk mark our territory… boys tend to barely make it off the sand to pee… girls tend to hide behind a building…

I spotted two little sheds that looked like they must store the lawnmowers and such in…  and I told her to rip over there and pee beside one of them…

(Elizabeth Taylor had nothing to do with my story but I thought she looked stunning in this picture so I had to include it)

Sienna just so happened to be wearing a jumpsuit that day…  meaning she was going to have to take the entire thing off in order to pee…

my ‘roots’ are not country, so I myself am not great at peeing outside… I believe I have attempted it around three times, coming up short twice…

so I have no idea the form or stance to teach my young daughter as she will obviously need to pee outside more than I did growing up…

it always begins with taking all your clothes off and placing them in a pile a safe distance away…  I have no idea what to do after that…

a crab like stance? attempting to pee like a boy? hands to your toes and firing backwards?

I seriously need someone to tell me how to do this successfully…

back to Sienna, huddled completely naked beside the shed at the school playground…

out of no where, this vehicle comes driving around her side of the shed…  I see a completely naked blonde girl running around the shed and quickly sneaking in between them in hopes of finding shelter…

this vehicle slowly drives around the shed and is now coming up to the playground…  at this time I’m less worried about my naked daughter and more worried about how I look…  all alone, grown adult woman hanging out by herself in the jungle gym of a playground…

the lady driving the vehicle gets out and I quickly yell at her, from my perch…

‘I have a daughter’

(whew, I think to myself… now she won’t think I’m a creep)

I couldn’t tell her where my daughter was…  naked in between the sheds…

luckily, this lady was in full panic mode looking for two little boys…  she thought they might have been at the park…

she yells up at me ‘have you seen two little boys?’

trying to sound perfectly normal and not like a strange adult sitting in a playground by themselves, I yell back ‘no, but if I do what would you like me to do?’

she gives me a weird look (probably thinking… don’t freak them out would be a start) and she yells back ‘just send them back to the rink’

‘sounds good’ I yell back as she gets in her vehicle and leaves…

I see my daughter come out of her hiding spot, put her jumpsuit back on and returns to the playground with a smile on her face…

she climbs up beside me and I say ‘well, that was embarrassing’ 

she giggled and said ‘ya’

moral of the story is, don’t judge someone completely based on first impressions… you don’t know why the strange lady is sitting up in the playground by herself and you don’t know why the little blonde girl is running around naked and hiding…

there’s always more to the story than you know

2 thoughts on “caught with your pants down

Add yours

  1. Haha hilarious story!

    I’m a country mom of two girls and can help you a little bit, when it comes to this situation. Can you see my email? If yes just send me a message, if not maybe reply and I could post

    Like

  2. So here goes…
    First of all, don’t make her feel bad that she needs to pee outside. I hate when people say only boys do that. Umm we can too! A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do… nothing wrong with it.
    Find a little privacy like behind a shed, behind a tree, whatever. Between the car doors is a perfect hiding spot if there’s nothing around.
    Jumpsuits have to be taken off. Pants or shorts… exactly to the knees and they’ll stay out of the way, they don’t need to be completely off. Skirts are easy to just hold out of the way.
    Usually its just a squat to pee. Feet wide apart, bend knees, and pee. That’s it. Its literally like the ready position in baseball only squat a little more. No crab stance, touching your toes, or whatever haha. My girls say “I need to pop a squat” because that’s it.
    And if someone accidentally notices, its not the end of the world! We’ve all had that happen

    Like

Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑